Sunday, January 27, 2013

Yes, Jesus loves me,
And yes, this I know,
But not just because the scriptures have told me so.
It’s the wounds in His hands,
The pierce in His side,
The strength of His heart,
The love in His eyes.
It’s the freedom because He suffered,
The hope in His words,
The strength to move forward,
Regardless of all that occurred.
It’s the touch of His hand
And His spirit that I feel,
It’s His mercy and forgiveness,
It’s the pains that have healed.
It’s not just the scriptures that have
Revealed these to me,
But the things that I feel and the
Things that I see.
The miracles around me
That testify He is living and true,

That let me know He is with me
Wherever I go, whatever I do.
He is my friend and my brother,
And all I wish to be;
There is not a thing one can say or do
That will take that testimony from me.
I love you my dear Savior,
And thank you for loving me.
Stay thou near by and
I can conquer all that is to be.
My Savior, my brother,
My strength, and my friend.
My healer, my hope,
My beginning, my end.  

Angel L Trimble 1/27/13

Sunday, May 8, 2011

"Just a Mother"?

When you walk into my house you will see broken crayons and scattered toys rather than a show house for Better Homes and Gardens.
You will see finger paintings over Picassos,
Thrift store finds over designer fashions and
puppet shows over Broadway productions.
I have no degree adorning my walls;
No big paycheck complete with benefits and vacation days.
Makeup and hairdos are only if I have time (or energy for that matter) and
gold chains have been replaced by macaroni necklaces and Wal-Mart stickers.
I have forgotten what it’s like to potty or shower without someone in the room talking to me or sticking their toes and fingers under the doors, and a full nights sleep is something I vaguely remember.
I can’t eat a meal or drink a drink without sharing because of COURSE mama’s ALWAYS tastes better, even if it IS the same thing! The last bite of dessert is never mine and my dinner is often cold.
I am not the perfect mother. I often take the easy way out and opt for take out rather than making a home cooked meal. I am sometimes (ok a lot of times) caught searching through the “clean pile” of clothes cause I chose to sleep after my kids FINALLY crashed instead of doing laundry. My house isn’t always spotless, my kids are seldom in bed at the same time each night, and sometimes I let them spoil their dinner with treats cause I’m craving chocolate and fair is fair.
I sometimes forget that kids are just that….kids. They will scream, run, push, tattle, yell, jump, make messes, refuse to eat, push boundaries and even say things they don’t really mean. It’s nothing against me. It’s not because they don’t appreciate me. It’s not because they don’t love me. It’s because they are kids and I know there will come a day when I will miss the little crazy things they do, and the little things that make me cry today will make me laugh later. (Most likely when they are complaining to me about their kids doing it all to them, giggles evilly) Sometimes I leave the finger prints on the fish tank , windows and mirrors for days cause I know that before I know it I will miss seeing those little fingerprints all over the house. (Ok ok, and cause I know that the fingerprints will be replaced before the windex ever even makes it back to the cupboard)
It’s not always easy to be patient when you have to catch the crickets your son let out when trying to be a big boy and feed the lizard on his own, or when your daughter writes her name on the walls to practice when she couldn’t find paper or when your kids say they hate you cause you make them clean their room.
It’s not easy to discipline your child when you are trying hard not to laugh at the make up they put on their face, or the dress they put on their brother, or when they pray for members of the family to not be so grouchy anymore.
It’s impossible not to hurt when they hurt, be scared when they are scared, or cry when they cry. A child is truly just a piece of your heart detached from your body and molded into a walking, crying, laughing, miniature version of you.
I have had people ask me before why I would want to sell myself and all my talents and abilities short and allow myself to be content with “only being just a mother” and living a life of nothing but constant service. Don’t I want to see the world, meet new and interesting people, and do something with my life that will change the world and live on long after I am gone? Really? To me those very words describe a mother.
Every night I get to travel to the most wonderful places and meet the most interesting people, all while sitting comfy and cozy in my pjs. We hunt monsters, slay dragons, go on wild adventures with mice and raccoons, and even help rescue a princess from time to time. I’ve gotten to go to outer space, ridden horses through the wild west, and even have had the honor of traveling to exotic places that can only be found in the jungles of my children’s imaginations.
I was told as a kid that I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. Why settle for just one? As a mother I get to be a nurse, a doctor, a lawyer, a judge, a chef, and actress, a hair and makeup designer, a party planner, a physiatrist, an engineer, a coach, a cheerleader, a professional organizer, a guidance counselor, a drill instructor, a psychic, an author, and artist, and most of all a teacher, just to name a few. And though my everyday activities may seem mundane, unimportant, or even unappreciated to some (ok and sometimes even to me) I know that there is nothing more important or more significant that I can do than to be a mother. Sometimes as mothers we wonder if we are really making a difference, if we are really reaching them….then they do something to make our hearts and eyes swell with pride and we realize that we are. Those little moments are simply amazing.
Weather we are stay at home moms, working moms, single moms, empty nester moms, new moms, seasoned moms, or moms without children (yes there is such a thing) we have been given such an amazing power and privilege in helping to help make this world and the future a better place. We each have unique skills, talents and abilities that make us able to touch the world and it’s children in ways that only we can. Our kids, and even the other kids we help teach and guide throughout our lives, are our true legacy. A way to leave everything that is good inside us behind to continue to touch the world long after we are gone.
Nothing brings me more peace than my child sleeping on my chest and feeling their heartbeat next to mine. Nothing makes me smile more than my kids yelling MOM! And throwing their arms around my neck and showering me with sticky lil kisses or finding little misspelled notes around the house telling me that I am the best mom in the whole world and how much they love me. Nothing makes my heart more proud then watching my child excel in something or going outside of their own little worlds to help someone in need. The little every day rays of sunshine quickly dry up any and all raindrops that ever fall.

I am proud to be called mother, no other name has ever been as sweet.
I love my little blessings with all that I am and with every heartbeat.
Sometimes I run low on patience, sometimes I wonder what I’ve done wrong,
Then they do so something that just blows me away and makes my faith grow strong.
I don’t know why Heavenly Father has sent such special children into my care,
But I am grateful for His faith in me and His comfort in my times of despair.
There is no greater legacy that I could ever leave behind,
Then instilling what is good in me into these little monsters I get to call mine. <3

Angel L. Trimble

Monday, August 16, 2010

I have debated over and over again if I was going to post these writings of mine or not. I am real in everything I write, but in stuff that I know will be shared with others I am, how can I say it, selective. Throughout my life I have learned how to smile through pain, see rainbows through storms, and make everyone think that everything in my life has always been perfect. As I have reconnected with many from my past I have learned that so many of us have been walking very similar roads and never knew it. I don't know if knowing this has comforted me by realizing that I haven't been as alone as I have often felt, or if it has caused me even more pain knowing that so many people that I care for have felt much of what I have. For me, posting these is a VERY big step. There are very few that I have allowed to see what is behind the walls of my heart. I have decided though, that come what may, if I can help at least one person realize that not only are they not alone but that they have the strength within to overcome then it will be worth it.

While serving a mission I served with a wonderful sister that taught me something about life that I will never forget. She told me that when we are faced with darkness and trials that we have 3 options; We can 1. choose to be a victim and use it as an excuse to blame life or others for the bad choices we make, 2. We can choose to be a mere survivor and still allow it to be a crutch when convenient, or 3. We can choose to be victorious and allow it to be the reason why we become better. We don't always choose what life gives us, but we always choose what we create from what we are handed. When it storms my kids are scared of the thunder and the lightening, but it has never stopped them from looking for rainbows, jumping in the puddles, or being excited about the new flowers that grow from the rain. My eldest simply says prayer, holds onto those that she knows loves her, and has absolute faith that the storm will at some point end as it always does.

Just like in these 2 poems, sometimes life can be dark, sometimes it can be offensive, it's raw, it's real, it's imperfect. But how each one ends is up to each of us,I chose what endings I wanted in mine. Your endings are up to you. What will you choose?


An almost lifeless body afloat at sea.
Parched from the lack,
Of necessity.

Trying to hold on to what breath remains,
While praying the depths,
Would engulf the pain.

Buzzards circle about hoping she gives in,
Yet she continues to fight,
Determined to win.

She feels cold from the shadows swarming below,
She feels the anger of the waves,
Beginning to grow.

They carry her closer and closer to shore,
In which direction,
She knows no more.

The song of the water plays softly in her ear,
It’s melody is not a song,
She desires to hear.

It’s hypnotic tune softly lulls her to sleep,
As her heart continues breaking,
Her soul begins to weep.

As she slips slowly toward the point of no return,
Her heart begins to beat,
Her lungs begin to burn.

Rescued from the darkness with sunlight warm upon her face,
She again remembers the beauty,
Of a once familiar place.

Light once faded and eyes once dead,
Now find strength renewed,
Thirsts quenched, hungers fed.

The buzzards continue to circle still hoping she gives in,
She is even more determined,
She is choosing to win.

'Cause there is no storm that can scare her now,
She’s endured them all,
Though she doesn't know how…

Angel Lee Trimble
July 31, 2010

The Door

Hurt. Exhaustion. I begin to weep.
I lay in my bed and drift to sleep.

In my dreams. Peace. That is what I desire to find.
Instead the maze of life plays out in my mind.

A hallway of doors. They stand. Waiting for me.
Some contain the past, some what is yet to be.

A voice calls out. It tells me to choose.
I know there are doors I can not go through.

I walk through one. I find a small child in a bath.
She is splashing and playing and quick to laugh.

She has no idea. She knows not the world around.
No where in her heart can pain yet be found.

At this point in time she is innocent. It is hers to keep.
This is the time when life is simple and sweet.

I walk through the next door. It is cold and dark.
A familiar feeling of fear sweeps over my heart.

I can not quite place it. I have been here before.
I gasp when I remember as I hear dishes hit the floor.

The cries and the screaming. The pains of the past.
That look in his eyes. Him beating her ass.

Then all goes quiet. Is she alive? Is she dead?
I hear footsteps come closer so I cover my head.

I sit there trembling. I am cowering on the floor.
I find myself again among the hallway of doors.

Do not make me choose. Not another. My strength is near gone.
I don’t want to relive life where life has gone wrong.

I again hear a voice. It proclaims the lesson has been missed.
“Oh my dear child; My point to you was this:

You have taken life’s many wrongs. You have turned them to rights.
You have never given up. You have continued to fight.

Now is no different. You are still just as strong.
Still able to smile when the days seem too long.

Don’t forget the power within you; And all that you possess.
Continue pushing forward. One day you will find rest.

There are many doors in life. Most you never walk through.
Those are the moments fear gets the best of you.

Go forth my child. Do not fear anymore.
Embrace every trial as you walk through every door.

When you need me. You know. I am always right here.
I rejoice in your laughter. I send comfort for your tears".

I awake from my dream. I am comfortable in my bed.
Yet the words He spoke still ring in my head.

The sun fills my bedroom. It is warm. It is bright.
There is a rebirth of desire to get up and fight.

I stretch. I yawn. My feet hit the floor.
I take a deep breath. I walk through the door…

Angel Lee Trimble
August 1, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. . .

I am so tired but sometimes a lesson comes your way that you just feel like you need to share or at least write down. Tonight is one of those nights.

For the last 4 days I have been fighting with Victoria over cleaning her room. She has begged and begged me to come in her room with her but it wasn't until tonight, with help from my Heavenly Father, that I finally HEARD what she was asking. I kept telling her "No, I'm not going to pick up your room. It is not my mess and it is your responisibility." I tried telling her that I have constantly reminded her daily to remember to put things away before getting more things out so that she is not faced with such a task later, but yet here we are again. . . .

Tonight I sought my Heavenly Father's guidance in this situation as I hate fighting over it all day every day as it brings such a sad spirit into our home. And like I said earlier, I finally HEARD what she was asking. She never asked me to clean her room. She simply asked me to be there with her and tell her what to do next because it was 'just too much". She was just overwhelmed and needed someone who loved her to be with her through it all and keep her on track. Oh how my heart hurt when I realized that I missed a wonderful teaching moment, but instead she taught me.

How many times in our lives do we do things over and over again that we know we shouldn't?? Even with being constantly reminded by our Heavenly Father as to the mess that it would create? Then when we are faced with those messes how wonderful it is to know that our Heavenly Father is there by our side, helping us put one foot in front of the other and knowing what to do next? Simply helping us not feel so alone and overwhelmed? He never cleans our messes for us, but he does help us along the way and for that I am thankful.

Tomorrow I know what I will be doing. I will be sharing this lesson with my dear sweet daughter. . .as we conquer her mess. . .together. . .

Sunday, July 18, 2010

You can TOADally do it!

It's amazing how much we can learn about life from our children. While eating lunch yesterday I kept hearing this loud "RIBBIT! THUMP! RIBBIT! THUMP!" It was getting closer and closer, and that's when I saw it. My little prince had turned into a frog. Squatted on the floor, hands on the ground between his knees, followed by a protruted tougne, a loud "RIBBIT!" and ending with a huge THUMP back into starting position.

"Josh, are you a frog?" I asked while giggling

"Yep! Im a frog! There's a fly in here mama. I want to catch that fly. Frogs catch flies cause frogs eat bugs. So I'm a frog! RIBBIT!" HOP - THUMP!

He knew what he wanted, and he knew who and what he had to become to obtain the desire of his heart. We could all learn from that. If there is something we truley want we have to have the willingness, desire, and go get'm attitude to make whatever changes need to be made in our lives in order to obtain it. Maybe it's time for mama to transform into a frog and catch some of those flies I've had my eye on. . .RIBBIT!

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Dash by Linda Ellis

Thank you Jessica Brown Stanford for sending me this BEAUTIFUL video and poem! It is everything I was wanting to express and touched my heart!