I have debated over and over again if I was going to post these writings of mine or not. I am real in everything I write, but in stuff that I know will be shared with others I am, how can I say it, selective. Throughout my life I have learned how to smile through pain, see rainbows through storms, and make everyone think that everything in my life has always been perfect. As I have reconnected with many from my past I have learned that so many of us have been walking very similar roads and never knew it. I don't know if knowing this has comforted me by realizing that I haven't been as alone as I have often felt, or if it has caused me even more pain knowing that so many people that I care for have felt much of what I have. For me, posting these is a VERY big step. There are very few that I have allowed to see what is behind the walls of my heart. I have decided though, that come what may, if I can help at least one person realize that not only are they not alone but that they have the strength within to overcome then it will be worth it.

While serving a mission I served with a wonderful sister that taught me something about life that I will never forget. She told me that when we are faced with darkness and trials that we have 3 options; We can 1. choose to be a victim and use it as an excuse to blame life or others for the bad choices we make, 2. We can choose to be a mere survivor and still allow it to be a crutch when convenient, or 3. We can choose to be victorious and allow it to be the reason why we become better. We don't always choose what life gives us, but we always choose what we create from what we are handed. When it storms my kids are scared of the thunder and the lightening, but it has never stopped them from looking for rainbows, jumping in the puddles, or being excited about the new flowers that grow from the rain. My eldest simply says prayer, holds onto those that she knows loves her, and has absolute faith that the storm will at some point end as it always does.

Just like in these 2 poems, sometimes life can be dark, sometimes it can be offensive, it's raw, it's real, it's imperfect. But how each one ends is up to each of us,I chose what endings I wanted in mine. Your endings are up to you. What will you choose?

Renewed

An almost lifeless body afloat at sea.
Parched from the lack,
Of necessity.

Trying to hold on to what breath remains,
While praying the depths,
Would engulf the pain.

Buzzards circle about hoping she gives in,
Yet she continues to fight,
Determined to win.

She feels cold from the shadows swarming below,
She feels the anger of the waves,
Beginning to grow.

They carry her closer and closer to shore,
In which direction,
She knows no more.

The song of the water plays softly in her ear,
It’s melody is not a song,
She desires to hear.

It’s hypnotic tune softly lulls her to sleep,
As her heart continues breaking,
Her soul begins to weep.

As she slips slowly toward the point of no return,
Her heart begins to beat,
Her lungs begin to burn.

Rescued from the darkness with sunlight warm upon her face,
She again remembers the beauty,
Of a once familiar place.

Light once faded and eyes once dead,
Now find strength renewed,
Thirsts quenched, hungers fed.

The buzzards continue to circle still hoping she gives in,
She is even more determined,
She is choosing to win.

'Cause there is no storm that can scare her now,
She’s endured them all,
Though she doesn't know how…

Angel Lee Trimble
July 31, 2010


The Door

Hurt. Exhaustion. I begin to weep.
I lay in my bed and drift to sleep.

In my dreams. Peace. That is what I desire to find.
Instead the maze of life plays out in my mind.

A hallway of doors. They stand. Waiting for me.
Some contain the past, some what is yet to be.

A voice calls out. It tells me to choose.
I know there are doors I can not go through.

I walk through one. I find a small child in a bath.
She is splashing and playing and quick to laugh.

She has no idea. She knows not the world around.
No where in her heart can pain yet be found.

At this point in time she is innocent. It is hers to keep.
This is the time when life is simple and sweet.

I walk through the next door. It is cold and dark.
A familiar feeling of fear sweeps over my heart.

I can not quite place it. I have been here before.
I gasp when I remember as I hear dishes hit the floor.

The cries and the screaming. The pains of the past.
That look in his eyes. Him beating her ass.

Then all goes quiet. Is she alive? Is she dead?
I hear footsteps come closer so I cover my head.

I sit there trembling. I am cowering on the floor.
I find myself again among the hallway of doors.

Do not make me choose. Not another. My strength is near gone.
I don’t want to relive life where life has gone wrong.

I again hear a voice. It proclaims the lesson has been missed.
“Oh my dear child; My point to you was this:

You have taken life’s many wrongs. You have turned them to rights.
You have never given up. You have continued to fight.

Now is no different. You are still just as strong.
Still able to smile when the days seem too long.

Don’t forget the power within you; And all that you possess.
Continue pushing forward. One day you will find rest.

There are many doors in life. Most you never walk through.
Those are the moments fear gets the best of you.

Go forth my child. Do not fear anymore.
Embrace every trial as you walk through every door.

When you need me. You know. I am always right here.
I rejoice in your laughter. I send comfort for your tears".

I awake from my dream. I am comfortable in my bed.
Yet the words He spoke still ring in my head.

The sun fills my bedroom. It is warm. It is bright.
There is a rebirth of desire to get up and fight.

I stretch. I yawn. My feet hit the floor.
I take a deep breath. I walk through the door…

Angel Lee Trimble
August 1, 2010